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I Am OK

I Love you and I always will

I am happy with my life
my confidence
my strength
my choice.

I see you on Facebook
I rejoice in your happiness
and I wish you the best.
I miss how close we used to be
but I am ok.

I Love you and I always will
I am happy with my life
my confidence
my strength
my choice.

Your wedding was beautiful
I am so happy you found
your soul mate.
I hope it’s everything
you’ve ever dreamed.
Would have loved to be there
but I am ok.

I Love you and I always will
I am happy with my life
my confidence
my strength
my choice.

I love to see pictures
of you and your kids.
Your family has grown.
I wish the best for all of you
and celebrate each success.
Would love to tell you,
but I am ok.

I Love you and I always will
I am happy with my life
my confidence
my strength
my choice.

I made a choice to end
my abusive marriage and
you were not there for me.
It didn’t bother me any
I had to find my own way.
I would have loved to have
you by my side
but I am ok.

I Love you and I always will
I am happy with my life
my confidence
my strength
my choice.

As I look back now
I was once upset
but I know who got me through.
You will always be family
in my heart.
No hard feelings left.
I am ok.

I Love you and I always will
I am happy with my life
my confidence
my strength
my choice.

A Woman of Strength

I am recovering from a serious knee injury that required a five and a half hour surgery. It also requires a minimum of six weeks off the knee. I have one week and two days down. 

During this week I have experienced every imaginable emotion. With that being said I don’t feel like a woman of strength. I need help just feeding myself because I can’t carry food from the kitchen to my new living room home.

Getting through this requires more strength than I have ever thought I could muster. Strength I have forgotten lies deep within me. I’m not sure if the surfacing of dark memories is taunting me or reminding me of the Strength within myself.

Last night  (or early this morning) while I lie awake writing I was reminded that twenty and a half years ago I left my first husband. In the moment I didn’t think about strength, I put one foot in front of the other and walked out the door. It was that walk to my parents that seemed to take forever. The walk that tried to fill my mind with doubts that brought the strength out. Each positive you make in the face of doubt is strength. Each step forward you make is strength. Each day you make it through, no matter how bad you feel, is strength. 

So, from this day forward I will continue to count the weeks of my recovery on the paper chain my Hannah made for me. I will celebrate every positive. I will be thankful for the little things. I will continue to write these two books floating in my brain. I will continue with my recovery as the Woman of Strength I already am.

Sowing Your Seeds

Sowing a seed…

I fell! I fell hard and really caused some damage. I am out of work for a time. I do not yet know the extent of my injury but I do know that I will have at least eight weeks of time on my hands. Last week, I wished for time to complete some things I wanted to take care of. I mentioned this to a few people and their response? “Be careful what you wish for”! So right now let’s pray,

Dear Lord,

I wished for time and I received it. I know this injury wasn’t a part of the plan but please help me to use this time wisely to rekindle my relationship with you, to strengthen my bond with my kids, my husband and my mother who has graciously been driving me to all of my appointments. Teach me how to sow this seed in joy and praise, Amen.

I saw a video this morning on Youtube about finding your purpose. https://youtu.be/T_jzxzmZ4vw   I have been existing in a life unsuited for my purpose. Sometimes life dictates your actions but your purpose remains. I’d like to think that this time that has been thrust upon me will inspire me to do great things. Inspire me to sow the necessary seeds. Inspire me to grow with God and do his will.

I challenge you to find the thing you are good at and build it. Even if you can only find an hour a week, build it. Even if you aren’t sure what your purpose is, build it. Use it to cheer someone up, inspire someone, and foster new relationships. Use your talent to Love God, Love others, and bring others to God.

 

Marriage

First time I have ever posted something to the wrong blog. Oops

A Tote of Confidence

Today is my anniversary. My husband and I have been married 14 years, together 17 years and known each other for almost 30 years. While your anniversary is definitely a time to celebrate your accomplishment it is also a time to reflect on the beginning of a new chapter. My sister shared this within the past few days and my mom commented “and so marriagemuch more”

Most of us know, have heard of or heard the reading at a church wedding of 1Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is Patient. While all true there is so much more to love and marriage than both of these put together. lovepatient

My husband and I are still together because we work together. I make mistakes and he makes mistakes. We work together to find a solution to every problem. We lift each other up on our darkest days. We take care of each other through sickness…

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Decisions…

Although a child is created in one night he is not fully developed for another nine months. You may make a spur of the moment decision but not fully understand how that decision will shape you for months or even years later.

A few years ago I started A Woman of Strength. Through this blog and my Facebook page I have met and exceeded my goal of inspiring just one woman to find her strength. I have written two books that I don’t really market but have sold a few copies. 

Nine months ago I made the decision to join Thirty-One Gifts. I didn’t do much with it but was surprised at conference to learn that I was less than 100th in team sales. I was actually closer to the 50th mark than the 100th mark. That was very inspiring. The entire conference was inspiring. I initially joined so I can earn some extra money to take my girls to NYC for Thanksgiving this year. My why quickly changed to helping to pay bills while my husband was out of work for five months and has now become so that I can quit my day job to focus more on this inspiring blog thing that I struggle with. 

This morning I had this sudden urge to walk to a creek bed that is an hour walk up the road and around the bend a piece from my city home. I had originally taken off every Thursday of this summer without really knowing why. While there, I tweaked my current manuscript a little and gained a new perspective on the partnership this Thirty-One thing I do can have with this blog thing that I will continue. 

On my walk this morning I saw many dead things in the road. I don’t like dead things, they are gross. I came to the realization that these things are dead because they couldn’t make a decision fast enough to save their lives. The decision is made. If I want this bag thing to support this writing thing I need to do the work necessary to accomplish all of my goals and I need to do it before something comes along to leave me lifeless on the side of the road. I am just as capable as the women already doing this, I just need to make it happen. I believe in my vision of my future and I am the only one that needs to believe it for it to come true.

The beginning of the Sunday School song I just heard in the church bells. I have spent all morning writing about Joy. Not a person, a feeling of complete happiness. How many if us have found Joy in our life? The saying of our vows is a joyous commitment. The birth of a child allows you to see and feel joy deep in your soul. Who in their everyday life can see joy? Who wakes up every morning basking in the joy of their life?
If you are experiencing grief because of the loss of a loved one or stress due to an illness in the family, probably not. If you are the victim of domestic violence, joy is probably in short supply. If you struggle caring for an aging parent and/or a special needs child your joy has been pushed to the back burner for an indefinite period of time and you are ok with it but when will the stress burn you out?
It is ok to expect a joyful life through daily trials and tribulations. Find a way to sneak away. If only for a moment. Take a walk and notice the beauty around you. Ride a roller coaster, try a zip line, take a fun class, do something totally unexpected and fun. Taking time for yourself is not a selfish act. It is beneficial to everyone. You cannot take care of everyone else if your stress kills you.

Figure out what brings you the most joy and experience it everyday. Just like my pond and waterfall along with the church bells calms me and brings me joy. My writing brings me joy also. The stress relief from pouring my soul onto a piece of paper or computer screen can’t be compared.
What brings you joy?

Cleansing

Stress affects us all. As a parent you may not realize the impact your stress has on your children. All of my children are dealing with a parent with cancer in different ways. My middle child has become increasingly frustrated with every action of both her siblings. Her stress level between home and school was so great she didn’t know where to project her stress and her siblings became the target.

On our walk yesterday we were able to chat a bit, get to the root of the problem and brainstorm some solutions. Her solution was to become an only child. Easy in her mind, all she had to do is convince us to put the other two up for adoption.

Instead, we decided to end our evening with a backyard fire. Before the fun of roasting marshmallows and making smores we decided to write out the things that stress us. We threw the papers in the fire and promised to take tangible steps to let go of the fear and worry.

There are many things you can do to cleanse your thoughts and stress. Take some time today to take a cleansing breath and just let it go.

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